Okay look, I always get the feeling you don’t even care and I know you do but only because you don’t want to seem rude cos we are friends. And do you know what sucks a Dick? The fact that I am quite sure you only listen to my problems because you are so curious. Like my miniscule problems are kind of amusing to you. Is that the only reason you want to be a psychiatrist? To listen to peoples problems cos they are interesting. I wish I never told you anything and we were just strangers like I am with someone like Joseph or Ashley. I’m annoyed. Annoyed because I don’t know and its like I don’t even know who you are and omg just sit and I don’t even know what its happening are we even friends omg the only reason is cos I really need to talk to you and I guess que sera sera and if that’s the closest I can get to telling my problems then so be out

i know i dont have a right to be mad but fuck you for not being there. fuck you for not understanding. fuck you for not being able to fucking get whatever is happening to me right now.

i don’t know what to feel. like everyone’s always so caught up in themselves and their problems but for once in my life, i cant feel anything and im scared for the moment when my subconcious stops hiding everything from me and i don’t know, things start coming back.

i don’t even know what relationships are anymore. whats the difference between a friend and a partner again? do you like your partner because you like them as a person because thats how i like my friends? do you like your partner cos of how they make you feel cos that’s a bit odd. i don’t know.

this is totally unrealted but ages ago, when i first got my phone in december last year i had this really random dream about lots of random shit and there was a guy named alvin yip in it. and then like i googled him on facebook and there was absolutely no resemblance and only one mutual friend. i met someone named alvin yip about last month at chinese school. and i dont mean its like fate or anything its just like wow what a coincidence that i would actually meet him. because he would not have known my chinese school friends last year or maybe he didnt have facebook. i just fine it trippy like wow what are the chances and i know like you have dreams about people you never meet and have seen on the street but like yeah, i didnt know who he was even when i searched him up so wow trippy hahaha.

free and my life isn’t even bad. i guess sometimes it’s right like hey, what do i have to complain about and i reckon our generation is too rich, that we have too much time because tbh, mental diseases are more likely to happen in developed societies. like i don’t even know what is wrong with me, i know there is something wrong with me but i don’t cut, have depression, anxiety, an ED, OCD, bipolar, panic attacks or any other mental illnesses. i don’t have family that sexually abuses me, i don’t have HIV/AIDS and like i wrote a lot more but then it deleted itself.

basically the post was a rant.

and i was like, what do i work for when i work my ass off from birth. do i really want what movies tell me - a white picket fence, four bedroom home on a boulevard, plastic grass, gleaming golden retriver, one son and a daughter, a family car.

and also, why am i inbetween. i don’t want problems but it sucks that i have this inbetween shit and like i don’t even know like why can’t i just have one.

and the question i ask is, do you ever get the choice to not be your parents. is it the environmental factors your parents force on you or your parents’ genetic predisposition that forces you to become them?

i guess i have no experience with nightmares but maybe this is kinda the whole cliche face your fears type shit, id you believe the whole subcocious trying to contact you thing. i would suggest milk with honey but idk

i kinda get what you mean. its just everythings so mundane. i text jess about homework, i coo at toby - its all so boring. even talking to thien an bores me because all we talk about is shit blah that doesnt even matter and even though its a key part of my life now cos its a place to semi-vent its just so fucking boring and we never talk about things that matter.

and the same cycle will probably repeat and ill meet someone again blah blah. and then maybe ill have a little bitch with jess one day. maybe ill lecture my brother. this is as interesting as my life gets.

and LOL nina im pretty sure she meant it like sarcastically as in like mocking people. or maybe cos people mock jess for ocd i dont know what youre saying.